BOOK REVIEW:
Teenage Mermaid
Okay this
next book is an MG. Maybe upper MG because the characters are 15, but the style
of writing, like the tones/airs of the characters made me think they were in
junior high, so like ages 11-12 instead of they're being 15. You know, if any of that makes
sense.
Still I’ve
wanted to read Ellen Schreiber’s Teenage
Mermaid for about a year now, mostly because I haven’t read a mermaid story
yet. Yeah. I tend to avoid that paranormal creature because I think the author
would have to get really creative to get around the whole ‘tail for half-a-body’
thing. Also I usually can’t get sex off the mind. How do mermaids have mermaid
babies??
So we got
mermaid Waterlilly or just ‘Lilly’ and her “Earthdude”, high school sophomore
Spencer. Now like most mermaid meet cutes, I’m sure, they meet because they
both have a love for the water. I mean, Lilly has no choice, but Spencer
ditches school – yeah, I know, I know – to spend time on the beach.
On one of
these mornings he ends up drowning only to be saved by Lilly who happens to
swim by (ironically she’s late for school too). It gets weird here, but stay
with me: I guess what happens is that Lilly resuscitates him with a kiss while
he’s still underwater.
I’m not a
lifeguard or anything (and just between you and me, Internet, I failed my only
CPR test back in high school), yet I’m sure this isn’t how you bring people
back to the living world. Just sayin’.
So she saves
him and he decides to take a souvenir, Lilly’s family necklace – the necklace
that her mom keeps locked away and would totally ground her for if she stole it
and lost it in the process, and to a human or an “Earthee” on top of that.
Basically
Lilly is wading with sharks here if she doesn’t manage to find Spencer and the
necklace before her mom finds out it’s missing.
Also as a
heads-up now, although I should have mentioned this earlier, this story reads
like a contemporary and much happier version of Hans Christen Andersen’s “The
Little Mermaid”. In order to get out on land and retrieve her family’s heirloom
necklace, Lilly goes to the depths of the ocean to visit Madame Pearl, a “witch”
sea creature.
I don’t know
what Madame Pearl was. It didn’t
describe her as a mermaid – unless I missed it, and there wasn’t much of a
description for her other than her “porcelain flesh” being “puffed up like a
blowfish” or something along those lines.
Lilly
requests a transmutation potion from Madame Pearl who delivers and the next day
Lilly finds herself washed up on the beach with human legs.
…AND you can
put the rest together I’m sure. If not read the book. It’s written in 1st
person perspective from both Spencer and Lilly’s POVs. It read all right
considering their voices didn’t sound identical. I find it takes decent writing
to not make that mistake. (Although from a writer’s perspective I’d just avoid
it).
If you
happen to pick up Teenage Mermaid,
expect that:
1)
a
short and quick read.
2)
Lilly’s
gonna be more annoying than Spencer
3)
That
these two are frustrating with all this lovey-dovey crap
4)
The
ending will make you want to punt the book
And as for
that last point, if you don’t believe me just continue reading this little
excerpt from the book and then re-think my point:
WARNING! SPOILER A-HOY!
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“I thought she was a mermaid!”
“She is!” [Lilly’s bff] shouted.
“But she’s drowning!”
Lilly’s sparkling blue eyes were shut, her
glowing skin sallow, her spirit withering away.
“She’s drowning of a broken heart! Only you can
save her,” [Lilly’s bff] cried.
“CPR? Help me take her back to shore.”
“No! With the kiss of love!” [Lilly’s bff] said
hurriedly. “That’s what Madame Pearl said—the kiss of love.”
***
I should
explain though.
The “kiss of
love” is supposed to be a game changer for a mermaid and human couple. Lilly’s
great-grandfather was supposed to have been human when he fell in love with her
mermaid great-grandmother and gave her the necklace heirloom that Spencer took
during their creative CPR.
Supposedly
Madame Pearl tells Lilly that there’s a myth of the full moon and a kiss
between a mermaid and human that can change the human into a mermaid and unite
the two lovers in soul AND body/species.
Nowhere does
it mention mermaids…drowning. Lulz at the irony. Seriously. What a cop out.
Kinda.
You see I’ve
read Ellen Schreiber’s two series, Vampire
Kisses and Full Moon, and after
going through the total of those 12 books, I can say that she likes to end off
very vaguely. Like they read as HEAs, but there’s this element of WTFery where other characters are
pushed aside when they sure as heck would be affected by the decision of her
teenage couple.
I mean, what
the heck Spencer? What about hating that his mom abandoned him and his father
and so suddenly? How does abandoning his father for a girl he met a few days
ago make him NOT unlike his crappy mother?
So read with
caution. Keep your mind open and finish it through before slamming the book.
I did like
Chainsaw, Spencer’s wealthy, perverted and nerdy best friend and Spencer’s hair
(he kept changing the colour in the story), and some of the funny dialogue. The
author has a knack for humor, and I believe her bio mentions that she was a
standup comedien(ne) at some point in her life.
Anyways,
give Teenage Mermaid a chance. Who
knows? Maybe this one’s a book for you…
As a side
note, I wonder if that bland and straightforward title was a nod at the 80s
film, Teen Wolf. Only the plot is
very different.
My verdict:
✮✮
(2 stars)
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