Lonely, Writer is Lonely (Big Dreams Blog Update #6)

To preface this post I'd just like to apologize to everyone (Beth, Catherine, Ruth, and J. Lenni) who commented on my last post.  Thank you for the encouraging messages!

One of the points that were made was the inclusion of blog posts and anything I write towards my million word goal.  And it's entirely my fault for just realizing that I haven't posted more information on my goal.  There is now a tab (above!) that amends this grievous mistake.

Basically the whole point of choosing a million word goal is for me to start writing AND completing projects.  I have a problem with completion, so I figure it'd be great motivation for me to stick a project through to the end so I can add it as part of a larger word count total.  Keeping in mind that the first draft will always be worse than a second run-through, third, etc., and I just need to reach the first end and then the real writing can begin.  Dun, dun, dun... the business of Rewriting.

In writing news, I've been at work on a fanfic novella.  I'm obsessed with this Japanese game franchise and I felt compelled to write a story lauding its awesomeness.  I've been steadily chipping away at it since the 16th, and so far so good.

For those of you wondering why fanfiction?  Sometimes its hard to write with the knowledge that the dreck of a first draft you're working on could find its way to an agent and then a publisher from there.  I get itchy just thinking about the stress...  That and fanfiction when posted could provide feedback (positive or negative).  It's not so easy when writing something agent/editor worthy.  We''re talking money here.  A real job.  I don't want to start out on the wrong foot.

But I do want feedback because the loneliness and the uncertainty usually chew away at my resolve and I end up shelving an unfinished story.  Of course that being said I want to work my way to accepting the reviews of strangers.  I'll probably start with my sisters.  Baby steps after all.

Until then it's my fanfic.  The other option is not writing at all, and that's not really an option... -_-

Debut author Janie Crouch* wrote a blog post on first draft blues recently.

The post got me teary-eyed, and I'm not even saying that for effect. I ACTUALLY got all hot and fuzzy in the eye area. I wanted to cry because all us writers know just how lonely it can be.

Well to be more specific, most of the actual first drafting is a solitary behaviour.

To surmise Ms. Crouch's post, she points out the sad truth: No one can start and finish a story for you.

Somehow you gotta get yourself through it. I've went to bed many nights--and I predict many future nights--thinking about how I'll never finish something and I'll save many readers from reading utter crap if I just stop now.  A good night's sleep usually makes the feelings of worthlessness go away, but I have to find a way to finish something some day and I figure the road there probably has huge puddles of my tears.

Actually as of late I don't feel alone.  For those of you who are new and clueless and happen to stumble on this piece of free net property of mine the Big Dreams Blog Hop is hosted by Misha Gericke and Beth Fred.  All of us participants each have writerly goals to reach with the support of each other along the way.  I'm really grateful for all who've commented so far, and left helpful hints and wise words.  Thank you.  Seriously it's great to have a remainder that I'm not entirely alone around here.

That being said I've been neglectful in the commenting bit myself, especially as I know personally how much a little 'hello' (and a virtual smiley) works wonders on a bad day.  I'm also almost done with school over here and after I do plan to pop around here and there...  So yeah, expect me.  Soon.  Creepy blog/site stalker that I am and all.  ;)

EDIT (~20 minutes later after tinkering with GR's 2014 challenge meter):  Just realized I hit the 1/5th mark on my 2014 reading goal of 30 books.  What, what. *dancing*  But I'm 1 book behind schedule, according to the site's calculation...
Pffffft.  Does GR know how hard I've worked? :D  Srsly though.  I'm totally celebrating with a season 2 Suburgatory marathon.  I'll use any excuse to watch some more Georgas.

*Please check out Ms. Crouch's book, Primal Instinct.  It's on my TBR and once I get through it, I'll post my review. :D

Super glue looks promising (Big Dreams Blog Update #5)

Yet another Update Day!  Whew.  Is it me or are the days flying by and it seems every other day is the end of a month?

So, what does the end of February bring other than no breaks until essay, assignment and final deadlines?  Winter?  Daylight Savings?  (Hint: All of the named.)

Anyways, enough of my grousing.  As part of the Big Dreams Blog Hoppity Hop hosted by geniuses Misha Gericke and Beth Fred, Update Day means I get to let you know how I've been faring on my long-term goal of completing stories adding up to one million words.  (Also, make sure to click the official picture of the Blog Hop to find all 21 of us participating big dream crazy troopers and cheer us on!)

Well, since I haven't completed anything (and I keep scraping everything I start) I'd say the goal is going nowhere.  BUT I'm ever the optimist and I figure one of these days I'll stick a WIP through to THE END.

Basically the way I see it is that it's never too late to start again...or to superglue your butt to your computer chair*.

I swear the things I find on cheezburger.

Yes, definitely not too late to start.  And today seems like a good enough day to try again.

*SIDE NOTE: I'm going to talk about a new process I've been working on...actually not new, more like tried and true but I've backed it up with textbook analysis and weeks' worth of self-exploration.  (More on this in next post, I promise!)

BOOK REVIEW (2): Kholodov's Last Mistress

Book Review:

Kholodov's Last Mistress

M&B cover here.  The model playing heroine Hannah looks right for her role.
But I don't have much to go on with the male model here...not my Sergei surely.

Let's role with the summary first, why don't we:

When Sergei Kholodov rescued American tourist Hannah Pearl, her wide-eyed approach to the world shocked the man whose life had left him bitterly cynical.

Hating how powerfully she affected him, Sergei made a cold-hearted decision to obliterate his dark emotions . . . . He would lose himself in sinful pleasure before pushing her away and destroying her dreams.

One year later, Sergei returns. Hannah has been seared in his memory - perhaps one more night will allow him to forget her once and for all? Or will he realize her innocence is a Pearl beyond price and that he'll never have enough . . . ?

And then I read the book.

My first thoughts:  Stupid, stupid.  Why is are you so naive, Hannah!?!  *proceeds to kill exclamation and question mark tab on keyboard*

Seriously.  I was nodding furiously--like a crazed idiot in the comfort of my home, thank you very much--every time Sergei tried to pop that impenetrable "the world is just" bubble of hers.  Okay, okay.  Let's work with a visual why don't we?

So a career in digital art isn't in my future...

If this is the spectrum of expectation of our interaction with the world, Hannah would fall on the far right in lala land of lollipops, sunshine and unicorns farting chocolate and to the extreme left Sergei won't budge from his position leading the war against just about everything (and no, not even your babies are safe from Sergei's cynicism.  According to him, they'll probably just grow to hate you. Yeesh!)

So in a dream-like way, Thank you Ms. Hewitt, I went all psycho-analytic on our leads' butts. (and, uh, brains.)  It made for great conflict, really!

Have you ever wanted to know what would happen after you put a pessimist and an optimist in a room together?  This 181-page story, that's what.

So yeah, again, I'm a cynic and I was really angry by Hannah's optimism.  And the funny thing is, I know there really are people out there like Hannah.  Mellow, happy-go-lucky peace keepers.  My mom is one of them and I love her to bits, but that doesn't make me less of a mix of frustration and admiration for such a personality type.

And as much as Hannah bunched me up, Kholodov didn't offer me much of a reprieve.  Sergei's so wish-washy with his feelings.  There's a reason I don't like Katy Perry's "Hot n Cold" and it has nothing to do with the lyrics and music.

Can we please not have Riri and Brown playing Hannah and Sergei?

Suffice to say that the ending was beautiful, the sexual tension gut-wrenching and heart-racing, and the book a must-read!

(Note: The links below are for the 2-for-1 deal with Kate Hewitt's The Prince She Never Knew AND Kholodov's Last Mistress.  Why not save money?)

Harlequin

Amazon

Amazon.ca

Barnes & Noble

My verdict:

✮✮✮✮

(4 stars)

BOOK REVIEW (1): The Prince She Never Knew

Book Review:

The Prince She Never Knew

Not how I pictured the heroine or the hero, but beautiful dress!

Okay.  Going into this one I thought the title was a cue to a classic trope: undercover lover.  Actually, I made that up.  The trope is called "Undercover Cop".  Best example thus far, IMHO, is 21 Jump Street.

Guess who's not making a cameo in 22 Jump Street?

Although in this case I thought the prince was going to be undercover and the heroine would be all like "what?  I can't believe my luck!"

Then I started hoping it was a twist on the trope, and that the heroine would be a princess undercover or something along that fancy.

Turned out I was wrong on all predictions.  Phew.  Because it was SO much better.  So before I go on and on, I'll post the summary…

While the world believes her romance with Prince Leo Diomedi, Alyse knows it's just a calculated sham. 
Yet beneath his icy exterior, Leo's kisses give Alyse a taste of the man behind the crown… But will their fairy tale survive the headlines threatening to rip everything apart? 

Barely gives you much, but here's the stitch:  Prince Leo and Alyse are the perfect couple.  Lucky us we get to see past the cameras into the lives of two very flawed people.  On one hand we have Leo, the no-nonsense heir who suffers from a Hero complex (which is totally allowed where his parents basically screwed his life over and over again) and Alyse, our brilliantly hopeful heroine.  I'm a cynical person by nature so I initially didn't understand how Alyse could swallow her not-so-happily ever after without choking and dying.

Seriously, if life handed me lemons, I'd make lemonade--but I'd also complain all while squeezing the juices out.  Or better yet I'd do this:

So yeah I was more a Leo than an Alyse.  (He'd prefer I called it "realistic" while reviewing.)  Fine, fine, Leo—moving on.

What we learn very quickly is that underlying classic trope here is the marriage of convenience, and though it's quite clear why Leo's agreed to the fake marriage (Psst!  It has something to do with his future inheritance of the throne of his kingdom), I didn't understand at first how any of this would benefit Alyse.

You know aside from the wealth and fame, and possible hot prince sex and baby-making…

I liked Alyse and I felt that there was more to her acceptance to an arranged marriage.  (Hint: There is.) 

And a side note, there is no use of the virgin trope!  Hooray!

For those of you who don't know...*cough*allofyou*cough*, I abhor the virgin trope.  Specifically the innocent, virgin trope.  Simply for the fact that not all virgins are "innocent" (wth does innocent mean anyways?  Relative much?).  

Rant aside, although the title suggests the enigma only shrouds our hero I'd argue Alyse is as much a mystery herself.  I thought I had her figured out from page 1: "oh gee.  Here's the little innocent virgin bride, yadda yadda" to pg. 56: "Aw.  How cute.  She wants to make the best out of the situation and be friends with Leo." to pg. 64: "Okay.  So she's not a virgin.  Didn't see that one coming." and between this point and the end I kind of gave up trying to pinpoint her.  Frame her as being a cardboard cut-out.  She's very dynamic and clearly she knew what I was trying to do.

But really I think the best part was nearer the end, when Leo and Alyse are outing for the first time as a married couple and he starts to freak out a bit.  Up until now he's shown himself to be pretty suave around cameras.  Like he popped out of the womb for his first baby picture one second later…

Who doesn’t like vulnerable alpha heroes?

And with enough plot twists—there are two specifically, and both are connected so one follows after the other—not overwhelming the main romantic conflict, The Prince She Never Knew is an un-regrettable read! (Yes, I made up that second-to-last word.)

Now go out and read it!

Harlequin

Amazon

Amazon.ca

Barnes & Noble

My verdict:

✮✮✮✮

(4 stars)

Change in Plans (Big Dreams Blog Update #4)

Gotta Big Dream?  Want support and a good butt-kick along the way?  Sign up now!

The Big Dreams Blog Hop is hosted by Misha Gericke and Beth Fred, and every month we gather to give updates on each of our crazy goals.

My crazy goal was to write X amount of completed stories, tally their word counts, and hit one million words.  Easy enough, right?

So when I joined in on this blog hop back in August 2013 I upped the ante and set an end date for the million words.  Sure, at the time Mother's Day 2016 (May 8th) looked reasonable enough in the middle of August.  With a 1000 days left, all I had to do was write 1000 words/daily.  Easy as pie, right?  Right?

In hindsight this was the stupidest thing I've ever done.  (Okay.  One of many stupid things I've done/continue to do. heh.)

I already talked about how scheduling really frazzles me.  But it's just a piece of the pie...(could you tell I have apple pie on mind?)

Ignore the funny three-lined border.

Speaking of pie...

But back to the chart.  The process is totally complicated, but it sums the hole I keep digging for my stories as I rest them in an ever-state of in completion.

Here's the thing.  For me it starts with patience.  No, my goal isn't to publish a book--I mean it is one day, but before that I'd have to write a story.

No agent or editor will give me the time of day if I pitched an incomplete manuscript, in other words a cardinal sin in the professional sphere of writing.  And that brings me to my first goal:  I want to finish a story.  To be more specific, my first full-length novel.  Sometime 2014 I will achieve this!  One sentence at a time until I hit 'The End'.  So simple and yet so difficult. 

Let me break it down in to six steps.  These steps kinda go down like this in my head:

"I just want to get it down now" she says.  Yeah.  My impatience is a dream-killer. (1. Patience)

"Then raise the word count.  All you gotta to do is write X amount of words every day for the next Y amount of days." (2. Word Counts and 3. Schedule)

SOMETIME LATER

"Not meeting those word counts, eh, and your deadline of Z is tomorrow!  Argh!  I rue the day I chose writing as a would-be profession!" -raises word count-

SOME MORE TIME LATER

"Okay.  Raising the word count didn't work.  Maybe I'm not meant to write, or at least ever finish something.  Fate must totally have something else planned for me. Thaaaat's it." -sits around waiting for said Plan-

"Where the heck is that Plan already?  Drat!  I could write this story, but it doesn't sound all that good anyways and nobody sane would like it--let alone love it.  Besides, is there really room for me in the publishing world?" -insert days worth of more inane reasons-

"Fine.  Fine.  I'll just write this other idea over here.  It looks way more manageable.  Yeah.  I like this new idea just fine.  Writing it will be as easy as pie..."

-vicious cycle continues-

Wrapping this post up, I have scratched out a deadline for the million words.  And it's already working magic.  I don't feel pressured to write 1000/daily, which works just fine with me.  The patience is a daily struggle though.  And I always want to jump ship on my current WIP for ad infinitum excuses.  This is when my fears and doubts are the most effective at blindsiding me.

I totally got this.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have that pie.

Day...Not Giving up.

So this series was a bust.

Here I am, almost supposed to have my WIP finished and, more importantly, to have beaten my nemesis, the Internal Editor.

What happened?, you so kindly ask.  Let me fill you in.  So here I was prancing along, three days into this thing and then BAM!  Fear tripped me up.

Shutterstock speaks for themselves.

There goes my chocolatey-good resolve.  Funny thing, I actually eat a heck lot more when I'm disheartened.  It's my way to cope.  So for the sake of my waist size I've decided enough was enough...again.  See that's my problem.  I make these great speeches, and I like to think I have pretty fine dreams/goals, but I can never see myself through to finishing a lot of them (i.e. finishing a novel).

So what's my problem?  Fear.  Actually that deserves to be capitalized AND italicized, y'know, for dire emphasis.  FEAR.

Truth be told--and I'm baring my heart here (haha.  i like that kinda-pun with the picture above. i'm good. xD)--I'm scared to finish a story.  Scared I'm going to fail at writing, which FYI is the stupidest and most irrational excuse ever.

But then I asked myself what did I fear more? (Totally channeling Family Guy here.)

The conversation went like this:

Me: Okay.  This really has to stop.  I mean, what do you fear more--finishing a story and failing at its epic suckyness (<--not a word btw) or failing to finish at all?

(long pause filled with a black-and-white O MacDonalds rendition in my head)

Me: Yeah...  This should be a no-brainer, right.  Right?

So I'll probably continue to doubt myself, but in the meantime I'll also be writing.  And just as soon as I figure out how to put a word count widget on the blog, I'll post up regular updates of the trial and tribulations I'm sure to face while finishing my WIP.

Till then, toodles.

Day 4: A Stupid thing called Scheduling.

For the longest time I'd equated writing with scheduling.  The two words just went hand-in-hand.  If I wanted to write, I needed to schedule.  And that worked just fine with my bordering obsessive need to plan, in case you didn't know.

This image makes the whole planning thing look fun...

So writing became synonymous with scheduling.  This started around early 2009 when I finally outed my plan to pursue writing as a future career to my family.  God bless them!  No one laughed at me, and they're still not laughing after I'm writing this ~5 years later with not even one completed novel under my seriously rusty belt.

Along the way I'd realized that writing was synonymous with a bunch of other words, too.  Like 'awful', 'stressful', 'hair loss', 'insomnia', 'depression', 'impossible' and 'crazy hard'...  Okay, okay, that last one was two words, but you guys get the gist, no?

But then I realized what the problem was mid-2013, shortly before I started this blog back in August.  Scheduling.  This whole time I'd made this really stupid association that'd been holding me back.  I was writing to a schedule, keeping really ridiculous word counts, and even more crazy deadlines.

Now, in the as-of-now short defence for scheduling, I'm going to say that it does work if, and only IF, implemented properly.  I'll go into detail about this in a future post, but here's my quick spiel: *takes a deep breath* scheduling word count and deadlines are just fine, but make sure they're realistic on both fronts.  For instance, 500/day for 100 days would give you a 50K novel (which is considered an industry-standard full length).  That's totally manageable even around the craziest of schedules.  Of course, passion for writing in general and the story idea itself will help where 60 hour work weeks are in effect.

Where scheduling goes AWOL is when working with a really hectic  day-to-day word count or a weekend warrior-type target date, OR worse combine a combo of lengthy daily count goals + short goal completion dates.

Straight up example: Back in July 2010 I was working on a would-be werewolf paranormal series and I had this, like, really pretty schedule table in my outline document.  According to the pretty table, all I had to do was write 10000/day to finish the first draft of said werewolf story.

Yeah, that's not ambitious.  That's not even a "aw, isn't that cute?" naive.

Kids, we call that plain stupid.

Says JLaw my Internal Editor.

Have your laugh now, Editor.  One day...

WORD COUNT TO DATE:

6786.